step back and be thankful

I've spent the last hour browsing blogs I like to read about parenthood, screaming toddlers and the brilliance of cbeebies. I have to say I have really enjoyed the last hour.

I spent six hours today browsing the web searching for clothing and accessories for the magazine I am working on at the minute. I didn't enjoy those six hours.

Skip back four years in my life I could have spent six days looking for winter coats, woolly hats and delicious two-months-of-my-wages Mulberry handbags.

This has made me take a step back, look at my life and be utterly thankful for everything I have- my amazing partner (he's 30- too old to be my bf!), two priceless children, my own home (ok, rented but still mine) and all in all a very happy life. A life that I would look at and envy.

Ok, so at the minute I can't use my switch card because it would positively melt and I still don't own matching bedlinen (see previous post) but I have everything I will ever need.

Next week himself and I will celebrate our 9th anniversary (over a half price bottle of wine no doubt), four months ago we shared a bottle of half price wine and remembered our friend, G, now dead 9 years.

I fainted when I was told he was dead, my bestmate almost crumbled. But himself was there for both of us and G now looks after all three of us. For if he was still with us, himself and me would not be together, we would have probably never felt the love of a child and my bestmate wouldn't be due to give birth to her first child any day now.

It's harsh to admit it, but without his death all these positive things would never have happened.

I often talk to him, just say hello how are you, and I know he's always there watching all we do and watching over us, caring for us.

When I think of the young life lost it really makes me sad to the pit of my stomach. When I visited his grave last week I again nearly fainted. The pain we felt was unreal.

But without pain you can never feel happiness. And so when something triggers thoughts of him in my mind I send him my thanks for all my happiness.

Step back and smile about what you have, otherwise we're all dead.